eyes wide open breathing…

another poem (work in progress)…

Earlier today i was moved… to finally put some words together about how i felt about my dear adopted mum who passed away a year ago in April. I haven’t really known how i felt about it all, though i also knew that that day would eventually come for both of my parents… the day they would each pass from this plane. Frankly, i have felt kinda numb with a resolved weird ongoing grief. Both lived into their mid-90s, long amazing full lives. I am happy they are flying free without pain + struggle.

Below is a poem i’ve been working on and it feels good. Thank you dear mum for showing up today and sharing once again, your undying deep love in your own quiet way. I love you too and miss your strong presence like stink!

Who is remembered, lives… deep in my heart x (((💜)))

image above, mum’s death mask… xxx

eyes wide open breathing… 

it’s been one long while dear mum
since i actually saw you
face to face the

last time when i came
to help you move up
to my sister’s and your brother’s sphere

i’m aware wide-eyed with
how you’ve aged you’re smaller
in such a short time since as

you never looked your age
at all during your eighties
and nineties not a wrinkle beautiful

now an acceptance knowing as
you lay flat unmoving on
your back eyes shut during

your last light journey
back home via strong
long bated breaths in out in and

i listen acutely keenly your breathing
unwavering laboured circular
eyes closed chosen

though i know you can 
hear our every unbroken filled words
as you calmly breathe through until

our… your last sighing moments 
i sit by your side as witness your
chest rising lowering emptying you are

do you know i’m even here
dear mum i hope holding your
hand within close steady blowings

until i realize perhaps your
respiration is way sooo slow i
wonder ponder are you still here?

you know dear mum
i never really ever felt if
you loved me such ‘cause

you never showed much
i attempted despite lost
gone trust from sooo long ago

all is now is only this
present moment us we
unspoken currents breathing

when in that single instant
your eyes opened wide locked on
my eyes caught shared forgiving and

it was right there and then
we saw we felt i lastly received your
loving deep and full

by how wide your eyes brightness
opened loving a way i had never
seen before you left i’m

so so sorry mum i had to go home before
you eventually no longer
stopped breathing

eyes wide open.


—weaver x (((💜))) © 2024

beautiful mum in her late teens… rip xxx